From a Mommy's heart

I've been wanting to write what is on my heart for a while now, but have let the busyness of life keep me from it. So while Isaiah is napping (trying to get himself to sleep) I thought I would take the time.

I am so THANKFUL to our wonderful Lord and Savior to have blessed me with my wonderful son Isaiah. I never dreamed that I would have a child that was from my own flesh, which was okay with me. At first I went through feelings of anger. I wondered what I did wrong that God didn't want to bless me with a child. I knew the verse in Psalm 127 that says "children are a reward from the Lord." I felt that the Lord wasn't rewarding me because of past sins. Once I accepted that I may never carry a child I was able to lean on Christ and look to Him for all my help. I sought comfort in Him and little did I know that He was preparing me for a miracle. Andy & I truly believe that Isaiah is a miracle. We may never have any more children, but God chose to listen to the faithful prayers of His people. I am in AWE of the vast numbers of friends, family and even strangers that prayed for my body to be healed in order to have a child. So I want to say "THANK YOU" to all of you for your huge part!

I am humbled that God chose me to be Isaiah's mom. He perfectly formed him in my womb to be just the child for us. In this life I want to accomplish being the best mom to Isaiah and teaching him to grow into a Godly man who wants to serve Christ and has a passion for loving others. I don't want him to be thought of as a godly man just because he is a pastor's child, but because he truly shows the love of Christ to everyone he meets. I believe that God created Isaiah for a great purpose, most importantly to love Him as his personal Savior. I also know that Isaiah is God's child, not mine. I am just borrowing him for a time to teach Him the way of Truth. It is so hard for me to fathom that as much as I love Isaiah, Jesus loves him even more. And Jesus also has that love for me, even through all the times that I disobeyed Him and dishonored Him. I want Isaiah to always know that I love him unconditionally and to never question how important he is to us, his parents. We have been given the greatest job on this earth, to raise Isaiah.

The following poem I recieved while still pregnant. It wasn't until after having Isaiah that I understood the full meaning of it. It touched my heart greatly.

Before I was a Mom, I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth every day.

Before I was a Mom, I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry about whether my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, chewed on, peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night!

Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests, or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

I can only imagine what our Heavenly Father feels for us and the pain He has when we hurt. I pray that if anyone reading this doesn't know the joy that is found in Christ, that you would find someone to talk to about it. I pray that you long for Jesus and His AWESOME love.
The most important thing that I have learned as a Mom is that life is precious and every moment is special. God gives us each of these and I need to spend more time thanking Him and loving Him. Most importantly, sharing Him with everyone I know.

Thank you Father for loving me, even when I feel unloveable. Thank you for sending your ONLY Son to die just for me. I couldn't give up Isaiah to save others. Thank you for forgiving me and making my heart pure. Most importantly for forgetting my past sins after I seek your forgiveness. May everyone I meet see You reflected in me. I want to live my life for You and follow You where you send me, whether down the street or across the ocean. My life is Yours and I want to serve You always. I love you Father.